My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
