Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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