We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
