dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
