Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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