May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
