listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
