woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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