Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
