....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
