I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
