I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
