I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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