If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
