umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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