I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
