I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
what the fuck happened to the tacos
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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