Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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