Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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