Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
