hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
