I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
