Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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