I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Bring me that man meat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
