I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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