She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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