This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
