It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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