Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
