Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
