I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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