I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
