Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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