you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You ruined the universe
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
