2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize