Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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