I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
