the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
