I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
