I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I look better un-naked...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
