She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
