And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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