Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
