so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
