I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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