Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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