he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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