Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
