Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
