I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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