just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
