So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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