This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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