I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
