I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
