Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
