i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
