I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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