'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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