There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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