Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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