Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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