Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
