the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize