i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
