I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
