The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
