you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize