Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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