I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
