Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
