the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
