a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
