I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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