We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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