my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
