all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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