Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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